Alleyway dining: Sista Bella

Back in the day when I arrived back home in Melbourne at the end of 2009, I realised that I now knew some European cities better than my own home town. So I started exploring the back alleys, cafes, and strange underground restaurants of Melbourne.

Man did I find some awesome stuff.

So this bit of the Chronicles is dedicated to that stuff: the hidden gems of Melbourne. Hidden places around town where no cafe has a right to be, but where the best ones are. Think of it as compensation for putting up with my philosophy rants.

Alleyway dining: Sista Bella's

Sista Bella is the sister-bar of the legendary and now-destroyed St Jeromes, and just like St Jeromes, it's a serious hole in the wall bar, specialising in cheap beer, friendly service an absolutely kick arse atmosphere.

Probably the most notable thing about Sista Bellas is how hard it is to find; explorers will have to travel down not one, but two alleyways and explore behind a stack of fairly disgusting bins to find the secluded doorway. It's amazing anyone ever found the place to begin with.

Hell, why would you even want to find it?

Seriously. If you walked down this alley in most countries you might as well just throw your wallet and phone to the nearest homeless guy and jump in front of a car. Save yourself some time.

Well, cheap pizzas, funky loft atmosphere and one of the most creative spaces in Melbourne, that's why.

Pictured: Awesomeness.

The awesome:

• Food is good. Usually when we're talking cheap pizzas at a bar you could probably whip it up yourself at home for 40 cents. No so here. Tasty tasty stuff and cheaper if you get in before 6pm.

• It's cozy, with lots of alcoves, tables and random seats to get a decent amount of privacy, strangely enough without feeling too crowded. Makes a change from screaming to be heard over the buzz.
  

• Good tunes. Good ambient stuff generally with an alternative feel to it. No commercial bullshit and no hipster edginess. And not so loud you can't easily have a conversation. Just good music.
  

• While Sista Bella is pretty well known and extremely well documented, it rarely gets crowded. The best part though is thanks to the scummy alleyway. It keeps the dickheads out. No one with a pink collar, spiked heels or encased in a inch of makeup is going to risk their pretty selves getting past those things.

This. None of this.

For the rest of us, this alone makes it completely worth it.


The less-than-awesome:

• Just try giving someone directions to this joint. The network of alleyways around this part of the city is somewhat less than user-friendly and it once took us 4 phone calls and an expedition to find one of our mates after he plunged into them looking for us. Even a smartphone isn't going to help - Sniders Lane is not recognised by google maps, so it might as well no exist as far as your iPhone is concerned.

• It gets really really really hot. Brick walls, no insulation and 50-odd people make the joint into a friggin furnace during summer. Avoid before sundown. 

•  Not recommended for dates. Even if the object of your current affections isn't a douchebag (see above), you're going to have a really hard time on your hands convincing them to go down not one, but two alleyways for a couple of drinks. You may give people the wrong impression.
  

The summary

If you're looking for an out-of-the-way spot to hang out, grab a few drinks and something hot and tasty to eat, this is one of the best in Melbourne. Palunawack approved!