Alleyway dining: Panama

Smith Street is, in my opinion, one of the most bizarre streets in Melbourne. 

Walking down here you see everything; hipsters, fashionistas, fabulous gay men, homeless people, grungy teens and everything in between. Within a single block you can pass the most ridiculously over-priced boutique selling useless arty crap and then world's cheapest shitty café, often right next to each other. Want to feel fashionable and slightly uncomfortable about your safety at the same time? Smith Street is the place to do it.

So when I tell you that Panama can only be reached by entering a very nondescript door,

Inviting!

climbing what appears to be a metal fire escape for three stories, before arriving at a fire door completely devoid of any signage, you're likely to think I've made a terrible mistake.

Look at this door. You just know you're about to walk in on something extremely important that you absolutely should not interrupt. Like a theatre production or mafia drug deal or something.

But if you manage the climb and have the guts to barge through what looks like the door into a high-risk industrial plant, then you'll experience the only restaurant I've ever found that manages to combine relaxed with excellence.

The awesome:

• The pool table – the first thing you see when you walk in and a sure sign the place is going to be pretty cool. Enjoying a couple of games while you wait for your meal is pretty much standard and adds an element of casual style to everything.

Though the pantsless-lap-of-shame rule is probably not a good idea.

• Relaxed – Restaurants this good usually make me feel conscious about what I'm wearing, even if I then stubbornly ignore that awareness. But this place had such a relaxed vibe that I turned up in shorts not once, but twice without feeling awkward in any way. Quite the achievement.
• Views – Huge floor to ceiling windows certainly grab your attention and from the 3^rd floor you get a pretty interesting view of the rooftops and streets below. The strange thing is that the views aren't really all that good, but you'll remember them anyway.

• Food - Absolutely delicious, though not all that vegetarian friendly. It doesn't matter what you pick on the menu, it will be awesome. Palunawack guaranteed!
  

The less-than-awesome:

• Food is fancy – no simple food here, a situation not helped by an increasing common and incredibly pretentious trend for restaurants to put their menus in a foreign language. I'm the last person who will claim the english language is superior, but seriously, who are we trying to fool.

That is chicken, apple and mashed potato. Calling it ‘Poulet au pomme a la magnifique’ just means I don't know what the bloody hell I’m ordering until it turns up on the table.

• Price – this joint is not the most expensive you'll find, but nor is it cheap. Good food but you will pay for it.
• Bloody Smith Street – amazing how Brunswick Street is so vibrant after dark while Smith Street just seems to brood. And wait. Urgh.

Maybe it’s the endless network of tram wires, the incredibly patchy buildings, or the complete absence of greenery, but I am not a fan of this street.

The summary

I'm rarely one for fine dining and I can't stand pretentiousness (hence the shorts), so when I say that this place manages to combine all the good parts of fine dining with the casual awesomeness of your favourite pub, it's a pretty good endorsement. I strongly recommend you go and check it out!